There are mysteries that humanity Toxic Relationships has not yet resolved. Under what circumstances did the Big Bang occur? Why was Stonehenge built? How old is Maryla Rodowicz really? I would add one more thing to the list – why do people get into toxic relationships? Why are they associated with broken people. Those who have Narcissus or Manipulant in their first names. With people with whom life is one big drama in a million acts.
Of course, sometimes it is done by people who feel that they do not deserve what is good, and the swamp of unhappiness is the only state they know and know how to move around in it. However, these are exceptions, because many more such cases concern people who achieved DilMil.co something, and yet fall for round lies, like flies flying to a brown tape soaked in sticky paper suspended from the ceiling.
Knowledge does not relieve them, because you can know all the red flags and still act like a color blind person. It is also not a question of age, because when you look at what people after divorce can do (or, at least, with experience), you can only react to it by slapping your hand on the forehead.
If so, the question is why do so many people do it to themselves? Most often this is for the following reasons.
1. People enter into toxic relationships because they attribute their feelings to others
I bet you guys were on a great date before. The topics for conversation flowed seamlessly from one to the other. Compliments flowed, and as you went home, you grew convinced that this was the beginning of a great relationship. Before going to sleep, on the closed eyelids of your eyes, you drew the best parts of the meeting. The lips themselves formed a smile.
Sometimes it really is, but alongside these situations come their unwanted sisters and brothers – no follow-up dates , silent phone calls , and relationships that have ended before they had a proper start.
This is because it was a great date. For you. Not that she was also great to the other person, because human feelings don’t always act like mirrors. Sometimes they are like curves of mirrors in which you will see everything but what you want. Therefore, you should never take for granted what someone feels, especially on the basis of your emotions.
2. People get into toxic relationships because they buy someone else’s arguments
We always want to believe an attractive person. This is how our biology works. The fact that beautiful girls kiss you can automatically make you attribute wisdom and order to them. Just because a cool six-pack guy is interested in you almost automatically will make you assume he has good intentions. Even if you know that he didn’t have one with his previous partners.
If you care about someone, instead of looking at your relationship sober, you look for the most favorable explanation for someone’s behavior. You fill in the gaps in the argument. DilMil You believe in this lack of willingness to be with someone (“It’s still too early”) and endless projects through which there is no time for you. You drown out that voice of reason telling you it doesn’t make sense.
Horror heroes do that too. It doesn’t end well for them.
3. People get into terrible relationships, because this time it will be different
As you may know, I am an amateur pool player. I have a bit of experience so I usually win. Interestingly, I also win against people who play at my level or even slightly higher. Do you know why?
Because I don’t believe in myself. But I do believe in statistics, so instead of trying to make difficult, spectacular strokes, I choose those that give me a better chance of hitting the ball. I don’t ask myself which hit might be successful. I ask which gives you the best chance of success. Always choose the latter, so I am more effective and inevitably win more often.
The same principle can be seen in dozens of other areas, and relationships are no exception. This means that when you tell yourself “it’s going to be different now,” you are throwing away all the patterns of behavior that the other person has exhibited over the years. You pretend that the person sitting in front of you has no past and turn a blind eye to the fact that they used to be disloyal and wobbly. You think it will be beautiful now.
By doing this, you are about to hit the ball in a pocket after jumping over two balls and bouncing off the three boards. If it succeeds, it will be spectacular. Only 99.99% of it will not.
4. People enter into toxic relationships because they count on being unique
The main pattern of romantic comedies is that you connect people, one of whom is emotionless and would kick a puppy if she had the opportunity. The second one, if she could, would have saved all those puppies. The scriptwriter confronts them with himself. At first they don’t get along, go through dozens of vicissitudes, and finally it turns out that this soulless sociopath (or soulless sociopath) does have feelings. It was enough to give them more time to do what all the previous people could not do.
In fact, many stories, both ancient and modern, are based on a similar theme. There is only one chosen one in the legends, but anyone can be. Such a vision is seductive, because it’s hard to resist trying to find out if you are someone special.
So it was with Excalibur. This is the case with Jedi Power. But that’s not the case with love.
There are two gaps in this reasoning. The first is that people don’t change. They change themselves if they want, but most often only for the NEXT relationship. The second is that your uniqueness or lack thereof has nothing to do with who is in the relationship with you. Any other assumption would lead to the conclusion that someone gives you value, which is always not true.
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No matter how tempting you may find trying to change someone and “fight for a relationship,” remember that life is already hard enough. It is full of bills to pay, bosses, deadlines and Polish cabarets. Do you really need people in it that you have to convince to want you and all the shit they give you?
I don’t think so, but if you still miss the drama then start watching para documentaries. The entertainment may be average, but it’s still better to watch than be their hero.